Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
