how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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