Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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