Non-Jews are for practice
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
