there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
