Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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