We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
