the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
