Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
