That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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