Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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