Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
