Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
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Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
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