High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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