Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
