i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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