I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
