yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
