do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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