im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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