you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize