I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
