My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
