What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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