I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Randomize
