We won't sleep together?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
