All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
