We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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