she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
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yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
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I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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