all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
