when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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