I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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