A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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