I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
