Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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