He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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