At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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