oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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