look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
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so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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