someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
