I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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