Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
