he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
