She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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