Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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