Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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