You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
