What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
