I faked an abortion last night.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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