my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
