So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
