So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
