I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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