Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
