Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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