idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Randomize
