i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
