You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
