Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
