Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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