Pappa wants mamma naked
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
