I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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