the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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