shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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