Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I love you.
Bad choice
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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