I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We had sex on a dog bed..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
